B. Henderson Asher's Moments of Mirth

B. Henderson Asher's Moments of Mirth

Listen in, listen Ian!

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Idea for a scam	[May. 19th, 2012\|05:29 pm]
1. Loiter round the self checkout till in a supermarket until someone doesn't take their receipt. 2. Subtly retrieve the receipt, use it as a shopping list while walking round store. 3. Walk out, upon being challenged show your receipt to the security guard. What could possibly go wrong?
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(no subject)	[May. 16th, 2012\|11:12 pm]
Hello. I went to New York on holiday, and it was lots of fun. [bird spotting] They have different birds in America, it's exciting. We saw: Gray catbird Ovenbird Black and white warbler Northern cardinal (male) Northern cardinal (female) Northern cardinal stuffing his face with flying ants Mourning dove American robin Common grackle Birds we saw but wouldn't pose nicely for a photo: brown-headed cowbird, Eastern kingbird. [walks walked] Rockefeller centre, Central Park, Museum of the City of New York Chinatown, City Hall, World Trade Centre, Battery Park, Staten Island Ferry terminal Staten Island Brighton Beach, Coney Island Prospect Park, Brooklyn [Food] Crabcake Veal brisket Sea bass Confit chicken, egg yolk, carrot, peas Brioche French toast, caramel ice cream, raisin puree Ganache, biscuit, marshmallow ice cream, bitter cocoa, blackcurrant The above was all from wd-50 which is recommended if you find yourself in NY looking for somewhere fancy to eat. Other nice eating places: Grotto, where you go down some unpromising steps and walk through the restaurant to a lovely hidden courtyard where they feed you nice pasta; Katz's Deli which manages to be fantastic despite obviously being a tourist trap. [Zoo] We went to the zoo in Prospect Park. Hamadryas baboon Red panda Dingo Prairie dogs [Brighton Beach and Coney Island] That'll do for now.
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(no subject)	[Apr. 26th, 2012\|01:42 pm]
More photos I've taken recently(ish): [Brussels] Post-it note Mario. Post-it note pictures in office windows seem to be a thing in Brussels Graffiti fox Sparrows who came to get the crumbs while we were eating lunch in the Jardin Botanique [Cats] Spikeface Cuddling up Some cats that live near me. The small one in the middle is the mother of the other two. A cat came to visit me. It's saying "Why are your windows so dirty?" in cat-speak. [Easter weekend] I went to stay with my parents over easter, and went out for walks where I saw: A train! Pigs! [Miscellany] Flowerbed on Park Lane Man at Speakers' Corner. He's seen me. But I know he's seen me. Does he know I know? Daffodils Commuters crossing London Bridge
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(no subject)	[Apr. 25th, 2012\|11:36 pm]
I went to Brussels, and it rained quite a lot but there were mussels, and waffles, and frites, and Atomiums, and fantastic pictures by Breugel in the Musee des Beaux Arts. I particularly liked The Fight Between Carnival and Lent - I love the way there's so much going on in his pictures. Then, on the last night we were eating at a window table in a restaurant overlooking the Grand Place, and there was so much going on there it reminded me of a Breugel. This is the Grand Place:
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(no subject)

[Mar. 28th, 2012|08:03 pm]

Poll #1829746 It's the big question of the hour!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 28

Where and when did you last have a pasty?

View Answers

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(no subject)	[Mar. 20th, 2012\|10:48 pm]
I went on a night photography course with eyekiller last night.
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Have we done this one yet?	[Mar. 9th, 2012\|08:00 pm]

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(no subject)	[Mar. 1st, 2012\|09:54 am]
What with Google's new privacy policy coming into force today, I thought I'd go and have a look at what information they hold on me. Ah.
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One law for Apple, one law for me	[Feb. 29th, 2012\|02:06 pm]
Invitations sent to journalists read: "We have something you really have to see. And touch." Yet when I sent the same invitation to a load of journalists there were court orders and everything. Hmph.
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(no subject)	[Feb. 25th, 2012\|01:16 pm]
I went out shopping this morning, and got the bus home. When it arrived, I was waiting to get on, and ahead of me was an old lady, probably in her 70s and quite small and bent, in the way that some old ladies are. Unfortunately, there was an ignorant woman getting off the bus at the front door, and she barged through rudely, saying "Get out of my way" or words to that effect to the old lady. This annoyed me a lot, so I called her a stupid woman and told her she should get off the bus through the exit rather than being rude to the old lady. She told me to fuck off, and as I was getting on the bus she asked me if I had a problem with the way she was behaving. I said that I had, and she said "Well that's your problem!" For no reason that I can think of, instead of "Go away and be ignorant somewhere else." I said to her "Well I'm making it your problem!" and I've been cringing with embarrassment slightly ever since. Anyway, so I seem to have started a beef with a woman in Wood Green. I wonder how this ends?
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(no subject)	[Feb. 24th, 2012\|11:43 pm]
Hello. I'm not really much of a giving things up for lent person, but this year I'm giving up 2(two) things for lent. They're a bit pathetic really, and you may rightly think that they're not very impressive sacrifices but hey, I'm a single person with no dependants in a well paid job, whaddya going to do? 1. Takeaways. Seriously, I'm in danger of winning some kind of best customer award from Hungry House so I ought to do something about that. I'm like (looks on YouTube for that sketch where Richard Herring rings a pizza shop and gets treated like a returning hero, can't find it, includes a description of sketch instead). The trouble is, I'm going to visit offensive_mango and her excellent baby next weekend, and she's suggested getting pizzas when I'm there. I think this is within the spirit of the thing though, because the idea is not that I become anti-social, it's that I stop being too lazy to cook at night, and go "Sod it, I'll get a Chinese discovered." So, yeah. 2. Books. That's right, books. No charity shops, second hand shops, lunchtime shopping sprees on Amazon, cheap Kindle downloads. Nothing. I'll manage this fine I think, since I've already got a crazy backlog of things to read. Anyway, I'm kind of excited for April and May, because S and I are going away during them. We're off to Brussels for a long weekend in April, and then New York (Noo Yoik!) for a week in May. That will be tons of fun, I'm sure. In the meantime, I just have seven weeks of work to get through before the fun starts. Work's quite good at the moment though, I'm doing interesting project work, and doing things we've never done before. I'm pioneering the use of Excel lookups in PlanetPress forms! Yeah, look impressed, even though you probably don't know what that means!
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Some photos, for want of anything else

[Feb. 13th, 2012|11:00 pm]

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photos

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Coot on the ice in Clissold Park

Ian Meek and Ian Wild run a fishmonger.

Is it a leaf? Is it a moth? It's a moth, actually.

Obligatory cat photos.

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How is this man not hanging from a lamp post?	[Jan. 27th, 2012\|01:53 pm]
You should at least get them to take you out to dinner first.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 26th, 2012\|01:37 pm]
I was reading the new Private Eye this morning. It's great, and important obviously - there's so much in there that never gets anywhere near any other news sources - but man, they get some things so wrong, don't they? Apart from the constant sniggering homophobic undertone to the whole thing, two things stood out this morning: i) The "Called to Ordure" section covered a hearing of the home affairs select committee. The people whose contributions were covered were a number of men, and a woman. See if you can guess which of the contributors was the only one to have their footwear analysed. Sigh. ii) They seem to think that referring to Max Mosley as "orgy-goer Max Mosley" undermines the case for a privacy law. I'd say the opposite. Oh, there's also the satirical bit in the middle which is essentially identical every week and of which no part is funny, but I pretty much just ignore that now. ( I dreamt quite a lot last night. I'm including it here mainly because I want to write it down but you probably don't want to bother reading it. )
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wrgpt bad beat	[Jan. 13th, 2012\|07:25 pm]
! History of this hand: ! 01/13/12 10:39:43! Dealing a new hand ! 01/13/12 10:39:43! Everyone antes $50 ! 01/13/12 10:39:43! SurfingJerry blinds $200 ! 01/13/12 10:39:43! ruudboy blinds $400 ! 01/13/12 10:41:17! MNooo raises $600 ! 01/13/12 10:57:28! themissy folds ! 01/13/12 11:06:09! beaker folds ! 01/13/12 11:06:09! SwamperSabo folds ! 01/13/12 11:15:58! SurfingJerry raises $1950 ! 01/13/12 11:16:39! ruudboy calls ! 01/13/12 11:17:48! MNooo calls ! 01/13/12 11:17:48! Pot right ($9150), flopping/dealing/drawing cards ! 01/13/12 11:17:48! 3 players ! 01/13/12 11:17:48! Flopped cards: 8c 7c 4c ! 01/13/12 11:19:07! SurfingJerry bets $9000 ! 01/13/12 11:21:10! ruudboy raises $44050 and is all in ! 01/13/12 11:21:10! MNooo folds _____________________________________________________________________________ ! Let's see it ! -- SurfingJerry -- _____________________________________________________________________________ ! 01/13/12 11:22:46! SurfingJerry calls ! 01/13/12 11:22:46! Pot right ($115250), flopping/dealing/drawing cards ! 01/13/12 11:22:46! 2 players, 1 all in ! 01/13/12 11:22:46! Flopped card: 5c ! 01/13/12 11:22:46! Flopped card: Ad ! Hand over, current board is: 8c 7c 4c 5c Ad ! SurfingJerry has: As Kd ! ruudboy has: Jh Jd ! SurfingJerry wins $115250 (net $59200) with One Pair (A A K 8 7) +-+----------------------------+--------+--------+------+----+--------+ \|#\| Name \|Bankroll\| Action \|Status\|Pot#\|Pot Size\| +-+----------------------------+--------+--------+------+----+--------+ 2\| MNooo \| 99050 \| \| \| \| \| 3\| themissy \| 65150 \| \| \| \| \| 4\| beaker \| 25100 \| \| \| \| \| 5\| SwamperSabo \| 54450 \| \| \| \| \| 7\|D> SurfingJerry \| 216850 \| \| \| \| \| +-+----------------------------+--------+--------+------+----+--------+ ! ruudboy is eliminated! ! 563 players left in the tournament ! Table finished, waiting to redraw seats, 65/67 table(s) still playing
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(no subject)	[Jan. 10th, 2012\|01:59 pm]
Seriously, wtaf? The best bit is Conversely, if you ask five different police officers if they would write a ticket or not for the same offence, you possibly have five different answers. Five different answers to a yes/no question? It's a good job I wasn't interviewing the cop, I'd probably have made a sarcastic remark at that point and been tasered.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 9th, 2012\|10:42 pm]
There's a new Allo Darlin' song. It is, of course, excellent. Allo Darlin' - Capricornia by Slumberland Records Message ends.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 4th, 2012\|04:37 pm]
tap tap Hello. Possible New Year's resolution for this year: use Livejournal more. Wouldn't that be a crazy thing to do? I had a lovely christmas and new year, thanks for asking. I'm back at work now, but I won the Euromillions last night. Sadly, I only won £3 on it, so I'll be back at work tomorrow, and the day after that, and so on to infinity+1. Work isn't all bad though - we all got a Christmas bonus of £100 worth of gift vouchers, which is nice. I've already spent half of them on a BluRay player after my PS3 died - I didn't play games enough for it to be worth replacing - and I don't know what I'm going to get with the rest of them. Some kitchen stuff maybe. I've also got a £20 M & S voucher to spend. I heard a cracking bit of passive spin by a cosmetic surgeon on Newsnight last night, talking about the industrial grade breast implants. Apparently, cosmetic surgeons "were sold" these low quality implants. They didn't buy them, no. They were sold them. Erm, what else. Liverpool being England's first openly racist football club? That was a turn-up, wasn't it?
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If we don't demolish all the beautiful old buildings, the terrorists have already won.	[Nov. 17th, 2011\|01:43 pm]
Wow. Just wow.
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(no subject)	[Nov. 16th, 2011\|03:23 pm]
So, in 2012 the Frontier League, a baseball minor league in North America will have a new team based in London, Ontario. They need a catchy name for the team of course, so what could possibly be better, and more apposite than the name announced yesterfay, the London Rippers. They have a mascot, too. Jack. Diamond Jack, to be precise. According to the team president and general manager, David Martin: Martin said the character's name is Diamond Jack, a frustrated hockey player who found he could "rip" the cover off baseballs. Despite his talent, teams grew weary of the expense of replacing balls so Diamond Jack decided to form his own team in London, Ontario.¹ This has caused some concern, with the people of London worrying about the possibly tasteless appropriation of the Jack the Ripper motif, but the team president and general manager David Martin isn't worrying about that: "That (Jack The Ripper) is not our story," said Martin, when told about the reaction. "Ripping a ball is used in baseball all the time." Well, you know, it seems unlikely that nobody noticed this other Ripper called Jack at any point in the development process, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt and have a look at this Diamond Jack character, a frustrated hockey player remember: Ah. He looks very frustrated, doesn't he? ¹London Free Press
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